when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
