saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
