Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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