we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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