I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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