but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
