are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
