I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
