So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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