Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
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Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize