I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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