I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
