one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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