Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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