How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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