just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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