We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize