yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
