Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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