i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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