I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
