Im at strip club and am horny
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
