yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
