Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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