the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
