I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do you have feelings for this penis?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Panties = found
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