So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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