I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
