i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So vagazzling was a success
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
