she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize