so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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