I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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