i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Four minutes until I can fart!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
