I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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