Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
