I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
