I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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