How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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