he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
