Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
