Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I would ride that face into the sunset
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
