She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
