i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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