Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
