I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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