My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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