I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
