i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
