As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
