Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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