operation harelip BJ is a go
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
