I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
