i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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