i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
