yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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