So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
They are going to name an STD after you.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
