Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
