he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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