i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
