Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
