we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
