Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
