saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
