Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
