??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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