Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
