The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize