so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
