it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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