it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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