it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
