I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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