Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
