if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
