Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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