Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
