so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
how does that bad decision feel?
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