apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
