Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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