you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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