I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
