So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
