I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
