Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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