don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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