either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
