he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
