i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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