My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
